My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
