I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
