he wants to bone in the snuggie
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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