My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
