my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
