I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
