Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
