so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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