This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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