just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
