Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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