Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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