he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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