She is in my trunk
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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