return my video game
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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