Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
