I feel like I'm in dance class right now
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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