dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
