i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
