Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
