): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
