I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
