the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
