Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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