dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
