at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
