I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
