I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
