I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
