I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
