dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
