I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
