PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
