You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
