thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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