I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
