He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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