i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
