so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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