Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
