$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
