I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
