Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
