yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
