Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
