Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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