So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
