There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
