Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
These tits shall not be calmed
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
