I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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